Road to Rowan

   14 days later, and we are all done with our quarantine!   At 6am tomorrow morning (10/23!), we blow this popsicle stand!  While the first few days were extremely slow, a routine finally set in, and the second week as seemed to have flown.  We got to open the door three times a day for food, and one time, where they took our temperature, and we practiced our very basic Korean. We watched shows, got work done, snuck out on the balcony, I took nearly daily baths where I listened to music or books, and we watched the most beautiful sun sets.  Each evening, we fought sleep, to stay up until our evening work hours.  The slower pace has been nice, in a way, though I don't think I'll ever get used to eating all my food at room temperature.   Our marriage is safely in tact, with only a few disputes, one over who got to open the door at a meal time, one heated moment over who was playing the workout tunes, and a few other grumpy moments here an...

    I'm sitting here, watching videos of Rowan from June, pouring over our most recent written update, taking her in.  Seeing her mannerisms.  Her sounds.  Her looks.  All the things that I take for granted with our big kids.  All the things I can't wait to know about Rowan.  And I'm dreaming of messy family life - tears, screams, tantrums.  Laughs, smiles, and giggles.  Eyes locked.  Knowing day to day life with each other.  We have been waiting for her,  thinking about how she will be, and what are lives will be like.  But that's not the case for her.   Rowan isn't a blank slate.  She has had experiences we haven't known.  She has likes and dislikes.  She has attachments, to her family, her home, and her life.  It breaks my heart that it could not be permanent, and at the same time, I hope to honor her past, and look forward to being in her future.  We are plan C, and we feel so blessed...

   It sounds weird to be thankful for the inability to leave a room for 14 days, but as strange as it sounds, we are.  We are thankful that the Korean government has made this possible, that although we need to go to through quarantine, that it has been such a great experience, and that we allowed to enter the country in the first place.  Covid has delayed so much in our process, but it did not halt it completely, and we couldn't be more grateful!   After we arrived into Seoul, we had a 4.5 hour process of going through various stations, all doing seemingly similar things.  Taking our passport, making sure we healthy.  Noting on the purpose of our stay (the letter translated to Korean from our adoption agency was very helpful!).  Double, triple, quadruple checking that we were, indeed, up for the quarantine process.   We had to download various apps on our phones to be able to report our health status each day.  Everyone was ve...

   After so much waiting, and so much time, actually leaving for Seoul was incredibly surreal!  We spend the last few weeks before leaving, spending as much quality time as possible with our big kids, making some amazing last few memories as a family of 4.    Soon, we will be all together, as a family of 5!  But first, we have a 14 hour flight, and two week quarantine, before meeting Rowan!  Early Thursday, October 8th, two kids snuck into our room in the early morning hours.  Our bed is much too small for these growing kids, let alone another little girl, will surely follow her big siblings in here someday.  We had some snuggles, and then it was time to get ready to leave.  The night before, we gave the kids bears with their nighttime songs recorded, and they carried them around this morning, with Quinn saying "you're the best mom ever!"  Give the girl a teddy bear, and you suddenly are the best mom ever.  Steve and Jerri...

   The original plan, was for the girls to room together.  That might still happen, someday.  But when one of your daughters doesn't go to sleep very well, (cough... cough... Quinn!) and makes some questionable choices... on the regular,  you rethink the original plan, and decide to go to plan B.  Plan B, being that Palmer is moved over to our former guest room, with his own bathroom, and you turn Palmer's former room, into Rowan's new digs.  Her room, and Quinn's, are connected via a Jack and Jill bathroom.  Hopefully, someday, they can share rooms.  But for the time being, they have separate rooms.     Ross made an amazing "house" bed, and her room has come together, with so much love from others.   Her bed:  Ross worked on this bed for weeks, and it really came together!  It started out with a simple frame, and then we brainstormed together, to make an easier way to get out, and adding strength to the str...

 Its a really strange feeling, when all you know about your child, is through written reports.   Until covid hit, we were getting updates every month, usually with a photo of Rowan at the Holt office.  We survived on those updates!  And then, when covid hit, the updates stopped coming.  It was too dangerous for foster families to bring children into the office.  Most families do not have cars, and thus, must take multiple subways and busses in order to make their way to the Holt office.  It made sense, and and at the same time, it was really sad to know we could not send anything to Rowan, and we could not receive anything as well.  At her birthday, (as I wrote previously about) we were able to send a video singing happy birthday, in our very best Korean that we could.  It felt like we could finally send her our love in a small way. After that day, we got back a video of her foster family singing to her.  And it was on repeat, and s...

 On the other side of the world, Rowan is at the very end of her 2nd birth day!  It is so strange to be away from her, especially on a day we had so hoped to have her home for.  We sent a big package at the beginning of April, but most likely, due to Covid, it has not reached her yet.   We asked our agency if we could send her a video, singing her Happy Birthday, and to our surprise, they said yes!  We learned how to sing Happy Birthday to her in Korean, and the kids picked out a cake, so we could sing and celebrate her life.   Rowan’s gifts! As a mom, my heart thinks of her birth mom, and what a hard choice she had to make.  I am so thankful to get to be Rowan's mom, and to never miss another birthday, and yet, I wish that adoption didn't have to be her road.  I am so thankful to her mom, for the incredible gift it is, to be her third family. Her second family, her foster family, is also on my heart.  They are caring so well for he...

286 days later, after so much waiting, our sweet girl has been submitted for her Emigration Permit.  For us, it is a celebration, one step closer to being a forever family.  But what it truly means, is that the Korean government is going to took at paperwork, that will determine if she is allowed to leave Korea with us.  Every bit of adoption, even the "good" stuff, is rooted in loss.  As we rejoice, we hold our girl, and her future, and her loss, right in our hearts.    With this BIG step, we are staring down quite a bit more waiting. This next step can take up to five months, but after an over 9.5 month wait for her Emigration permit to be submitted, we are sure hoping that it will go much quicker than this.  If we are lucky, we will have Rowan home before Thanksgiving, perhaps, even in October.  We are learning all of this is out of our hands! 

  This past week, we celebrated Seollal at Korean School, and it was so fun to get a glimpse into Rowan's culture, and now although not "our" culture, it is apart of the fiber of our family.  Korea, and Korean culture will forever be special to us! We ate ddeokguk, a Korean soup with dumplings, and my class got up and sang Arirang, a Korean folk song, a Korean anthem.  It is beautiful, and I was honored to sing it on such a special day!  We sang this before the elders of the community.  Before we did our song, the principal of the school got up and announced that the students would do the traditional bow before the elders.  I hadn't remembered my teacher mentioning this, and come to think of it, didn't see anyone else in my class, but I got up there anyway!   At the end, the elders came up, and gave us money.  Once I headed back to our table, I realized that this was really meant for younger people, that were not married.  Ooops!! ...

I wish we had exciting adoption news, but here we sit, 202 days into our EP Submission wait. It’s frustrating in a way that I have never experienced before.  There isn’t much communication, and the Korean ministry has appeared to take the decade off.  I know that isn’t actually true, but it sure feels like that right now. This morning I listened to the song “The Sun Will Rise” by JJ Heller, as I stared out into our dark windows in our living room during my morning quiet time.  It’s hard to know what to pray or say, when you know you should trust, but your circumstances make it difficult.  Maybe that’s especially the time you should be trusting.  Trust is believing in the unseen. “Sometimes it feels like forever When it's dark outside Baby, the sun will rise Baby, the sun will rise However long the night If you lose your way And your heart is torn May my love sing loud Louder than a thunderstorm Sometimes it feels like forever When it's dark ou...

Sometimes I have to step back from the unknowns, and just be your mom.  So yesterday, I spent a little time in your room, fixing up the space for you and Quinn to share! It is not complete, but getting pretty close, and it is definitely one of my favorite spaces in our home!

Waiting is hard.  This isn't new news, or something I didn't think we would face in this process, but what happens in the waiting is harder.  And sometimes, as much as you anticipate it, there really is no amount of head knowledge of the struggle, that helps with the actual challenges that come up in this process.  I knew we wouldn't be with Rowan over the holidays this year.  I knew we would miss her not being here.  I knew that we would be sending most of our gifts to her, halfway around the world.  And yet, here I sit.  Sad. Beyond sad, and missing a child we so long to be with.  I had also hoped that we would be submitted for Rowan's emigration permit by this point.  On January 5th, it will be 6 months on this step alone, and I'm weary.  There is no end in sight.  I watch others move forward, but it feels like it will never happen for our girl.  I also feel the weight of carrying this hope and frustration tangled up togeth...

We get asked a variation of this question almost daily - "When does Rowan come home?"  "What is the timeline to custody of Rowan?"  "When do you think you will travel?"  It is so very clear - People care, are excited for us, and are hopeful for us, in adding to our family through adoption.   I wish the answer was RIGHT NOW!  But there is a legal process that we are just at the beginning of, and its equal parts amazing and heart breaking to watch her grow through once a month pictures and medical updates.   On one hand, I feel so so incredibly blessed that an answer to prayer - a consistent loving caregiver - is answered for her, and for us.  Rowan is living with a foster family, who is caring for her in this process.  What a gift they are to Rowan, and to us!   And at the same time, we wait for a month to get ONE picture of her sweet face.  And that picture is everything.  EVERYTHING.  I just never thought a...

 While we are apart, we just can’t wait to show you just how loved you are!  Our agency let us know that we can send packages to you, and they recommend sending one every 3-4 months (though you are able to send one monthly!).  Knowing this is one of our only ties to you, as we wait to become a forever family of 5, we will most likely send one to you monthly, sharing pictures, videos, snacks, clothes, and toys we want to share with you.  We will also send along little things for your foster family, because we are eternally grateful that they are loving you so well in this time.   Our first care package included a lovey, a photo album of us (Mommy, Daddy, Palmer, and Quinn), jammies, treats to help you hone your fine motor skills, a stacking toy, and Starbucks treats and a thank you not for your foster family.  We hugged and loved each and every gift before placing it in that box, and sending it your way.  We hope to see pictures soon, of you with your g...

It has been a pretty incredible week for our family! After a pretty difficult snag in the process last week, we have some VERY exciting news to share! But before we get to that, we have to go back to the beginning. On April 8th, we got an email from Holt.  It was right in the middle of bath time for Palmer and Quinn, and from the hallway, Ross says “we got an email from Holt!”  Of course, we open the email sent to us, as the title was “Children in Need of Homes.”   Everything stopped.  We see this sweet face.  (One we wish we could share fully, but can’t just yet!). This face of a little girl, who although she lives across the world, she looked familiar, like we just knew her. Like we were meant to be with her. It is this little girl, who we have been pursuing every day since then.  We have filled out pages and pages of questionnaires, had interviews, delays, read and responded to articles, more phone calls with social workers, and more delays.   Real...

Today is Easter, and as I listen to the song, “It is Well With My Soul” the lyrics “this mountain that is in front of me, will be thrown into the midst of the sea.” 🎉🎉🎉 causes my souls to rejoice!! Rowan, In this season of waiting, it is easy to feel like we are camping out in “Saturday.” Even when we do not see it yet, God always comes through on His promises.  His Sundays.  This Sunday, we celebrate His greatest promise. He is risen! You are our daughter, and you have been prayed for.  You are so very loved by God, and by us!  We rejoice over you, and we look forward with hope, in sharing this day with you in the future!

  We have been in a holding pattern, waiting to hear back about our first review of our home study, and in this time, we received an email about a handful of children who are in need of homes.  We felt such a strong connection to one of the children, and we are so hopeful that they are our child!  This child is not listed publicly, so we are waiting to give any more details until we are, hopefully, matched with them! (Even then, we won’t be able to post pictures or give any identifying information!) All we know at this point, is that we are one of three families reviewing this child’s file.  We have gone through a medical review with our International Adoption Doctor, we have filled out a TEN page questionnaire on how we plan to help and care for this child now and forever, and we have been hopeful in prayer.   We would, more than anything, love to bring this child into our family, if we are the best fit.  We love this little person so very much alread...

  Our home study visits are complete, as well as our psychological evaluation.  And now we start our second "go" at waiting. Our first round of waiting, was when we gathered all of our paperwork and waited to schedule our home study.  Now that we have everything on our end complete, we need to wait on the approval from our agency.      Something I have learned already, is that there is a lot of waiting in adoption.  (and we're just at the beginning!)  But there is also sanctification in waiting, as well.  While I'd love for every process to go smoothly, and I pray for that daily, I also see that there has been blessings in the waiting as well.  Back in February, had our home study process gone a little quicker, we might not be adopting from Korea, or we might have had to have a complete home study update, tacking on even more time.   It hasn't been that long, but I can already look back, and be thankful for how that waiting he...

    This announcement is long and coming for our family!  For many years, we have talked about "someday" adding to our family through adoption, and the exciting thing, is that the time is now! We are adopting a little boy or little girl from South Korea, and we could not be more excited!! (Read on for details!)   Though we have talked about this for years, it is only in the last 9 months that we have been actively walking down this path, searching for the direction we were meant to go.  First, we explored fostering or adopting through the foster care system.  We were starting from a stance of whole heatedly supporting reconciliation, and if it were ever possible, we would adopt.  We took classes, and prepared our home for  welcoming one or many children into our home, one at a time.  And then I got a new job, with much different (and later) working hours.  The case worker that was working with us was very clear with us that we need...

Our Sweet Rowan,  We have just begun the road to you!  We don’t yet know your face, the sound of your voice, or your personality, but the day that we will know you, and that you will be in our arms, is what has us doing everything we can to make that happen.  We have done background checks, finger prints, filled out loads of papers, sent things out to be signed and checked, ran errands and doctors appointments, and we are currently waiting to hear back from those background checks, so we can move forward with our home study (where they make sure we are a good family for you!). Your brother, Palmer, and sister, Quinn, have been excited in each step, praying for you, talking about you, and they Going along on doctor appointments.  They both thought it was SO silly that I had to pee in a cup, as one of the checks to make sure I’m healthy. Palmer said “Mom!  I can’t wait to tell sissy that you peed in a cup!” 😂 They love you Ro, and they talk about you all the ti...