Road to Rowan

286 days later, after so much waiting, our sweet girl has been submitted for her Emigration Permit.  For us, it is a celebration, one step closer to being a forever family.  But what it truly means, is that the Korean government is going to took at paperwork, that will determine if she is allowed to leave Korea with us.  Every bit of adoption, even the "good" stuff, is rooted in loss.  As we rejoice, we hold our girl, and her future, and her loss, right in our hearts.    With this BIG step, we are staring down quite a bit more waiting. This next step can take up to five months, but after an over 9.5 month wait for her Emigration permit to be submitted, we are sure hoping that it will go much quicker than this.  If we are lucky, we will have Rowan home before Thanksgiving, perhaps, even in October.  We are learning all of this is out of our hands! 

  This past week, we celebrated Seollal at Korean School, and it was so fun to get a glimpse into Rowan's culture, and now although not "our" culture, it is apart of the fiber of our family.  Korea, and Korean culture will forever be special to us! We ate ddeokguk, a Korean soup with dumplings, and my class got up and sang Arirang, a Korean folk song, a Korean anthem.  It is beautiful, and I was honored to sing it on such a special day!  We sang this before the elders of the community.  Before we did our song, the principal of the school got up and announced that the students would do the traditional bow before the elders.  I hadn't remembered my teacher mentioning this, and come to think of it, didn't see anyone else in my class, but I got up there anyway!   At the end, the elders came up, and gave us money.  Once I headed back to our table, I realized that this was really meant for younger people, that were not married.  Ooops!! ...

I wish we had exciting adoption news, but here we sit, 202 days into our EP Submission wait. It’s frustrating in a way that I have never experienced before.  There isn’t much communication, and the Korean ministry has appeared to take the decade off.  I know that isn’t actually true, but it sure feels like that right now. This morning I listened to the song “The Sun Will Rise” by JJ Heller, as I stared out into our dark windows in our living room during my morning quiet time.  It’s hard to know what to pray or say, when you know you should trust, but your circumstances make it difficult.  Maybe that’s especially the time you should be trusting.  Trust is believing in the unseen. “Sometimes it feels like forever When it's dark outside Baby, the sun will rise Baby, the sun will rise However long the night If you lose your way And your heart is torn May my love sing loud Louder than a thunderstorm Sometimes it feels like forever When it's dark ou...

Sometimes I have to step back from the unknowns, and just be your mom.  So yesterday, I spent a little time in your room, fixing up the space for you and Quinn to share! It is not complete, but getting pretty close, and it is definitely one of my favorite spaces in our home!

Waiting is hard.  This isn't new news, or something I didn't think we would face in this process, but what happens in the waiting is harder.  And sometimes, as much as you anticipate it, there really is no amount of head knowledge of the struggle, that helps with the actual challenges that come up in this process.  I knew we wouldn't be with Rowan over the holidays this year.  I knew we would miss her not being here.  I knew that we would be sending most of our gifts to her, halfway around the world.  And yet, here I sit.  Sad. Beyond sad, and missing a child we so long to be with.  I had also hoped that we would be submitted for Rowan's emigration permit by this point.  On January 5th, it will be 6 months on this step alone, and I'm weary.  There is no end in sight.  I watch others move forward, but it feels like it will never happen for our girl.  I also feel the weight of carrying this hope and frustration tangled up togeth...

We get asked a variation of this question almost daily - "When does Rowan come home?"  "What is the timeline to custody of Rowan?"  "When do you think you will travel?"  It is so very clear - People care, are excited for us, and are hopeful for us, in adding to our family through adoption.   I wish the answer was RIGHT NOW!  But there is a legal process that we are just at the beginning of, and its equal parts amazing and heart breaking to watch her grow through once a month pictures and medical updates.   On one hand, I feel so so incredibly blessed that an answer to prayer - a consistent loving caregiver - is answered for her, and for us.  Rowan is living with a foster family, who is caring for her in this process.  What a gift they are to Rowan, and to us!   And at the same time, we wait for a month to get ONE picture of her sweet face.  And that picture is everything.  EVERYTHING.  I just never thought a...

 While we are apart, we just can’t wait to show you just how loved you are!  Our agency let us know that we can send packages to you, and they recommend sending one every 3-4 months (though you are able to send one monthly!).  Knowing this is one of our only ties to you, as we wait to become a forever family of 5, we will most likely send one to you monthly, sharing pictures, videos, snacks, clothes, and toys we want to share with you.  We will also send along little things for your foster family, because we are eternally grateful that they are loving you so well in this time.   Our first care package included a lovey, a photo album of us (Mommy, Daddy, Palmer, and Quinn), jammies, treats to help you hone your fine motor skills, a stacking toy, and Starbucks treats and a thank you not for your foster family.  We hugged and loved each and every gift before placing it in that box, and sending it your way.  We hope to see pictures soon, of you with your g...